Are you striving rather than thriving?
Finding balance between achieving and contentment
Where did my balance go?
Balance has been on my mind a lot lately.
The last six months have been pretty damn exciting for me. I got my coaching certification, I started my mindfulness teacher training, built my website – and of course started my Substack!
Every day, I’ve moved a little closer to achieving my goal of solopreneurship.
It’s a slow journey. I don’t have the financial means to just leap into the unknown and quit my 9-5. But bit by bit I’ll grow my side hustle until it can sustain me.
Hi, I’m Holly - coach, mindfulness facilitator and author of Zestful Zen. I write about self-care, change, personal growth, mindfulness, and purpose. If you like life to be full of zest and energy, complemented by a zen, calm mind, Zestful Zen is the community for you! 💖✨
My vision of my future career, life, self, has been inspiring. All this progress towards it has been energising. But…
My drive and ambition has taken primacy right now, with the slower, more gentle aspects of my life squeezed out to the edges.
My meditation time has dropped to 15 minutes a day, and I find myself tapping away on my laptop keys at 11pm, wired and unable to wind down for bedtime.
My “green” and “blue” systems have gotten out of balance.
Let me explain.
Finding my Zen
During my Breathworks Mindfulness for Stress course, I learned about Professor Paul Gilbert’s evolutionary model of Three Emotional Regulation Systems, which humans switch between: the Threat System (red), the Drive System (blue) and the Soothing System (green).
When I started my path to deeper mindfulness, through a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course, I spent a lot of time in the green zone. I meditated 30-60 minutes each day and over time my body and mind responded. I felt great.
My circadian rhythm shifted. As I slowed down and calmed my nervous system, I fell asleep more easily and naturally woke an hour earlier feeling refreshed.
This precious morning hour allowed a gentle start to my day – meditation, yoga, a mindful breakfast – instead of panicked rushing around. I arrived at the office feeling zen and ready to tackle what my mailbox threw at me.
The slow slide backwards
But now, as I spend more and more time in Drive, bad habits have crept back in. 1am bedtimes, hitting snooze repeatedly in the morning as I struggle to get up.
I find myself hurrying more, wanting to get the next, the next and the next thing ticked off my list. There’s a little too much zest and not enough zen.
Last week I was super excited when the 2025 dates were published for the remaining modules in my teacher training. But I quickly I found myself frustrated that the scheduling meant I couldn’t achieve my goal of being certified by May. What??!!
I wanted my qualification faster, sooner, and I was prepared to WORK HARD FOR IT!! Oh, the irony of striving impatience to become a mindfulness teacher…
This jarring realisation was a good reminder to me that I can slow down a little and create mindfully. Enjoy the present moment and the voyage towards my destination.
While I firmly believe we have seasons and cycles for creating and resting (and maybe I’m just in a driven, creative phase right now), my new “goal” for the autumn is to rebalance the green and blue, my zest and zen.
What are the Three Emotional Regulation Systems?
Each system is associated with a different brain region and different chemicals.
The Threat System
In the Threat System, we’re in self-protection mode – detecting threats and seeking safety from them.
Back in the day, our cave dwelling ancestors had to be vigilant to stay alive.
Anyone too laid back or careless could find themselves face-to-face with a sabre-toothed tiger, and there went that bloodline! Meanwhile, those on the lookout for threats lived to tell the tale and passed their cautious genes down to us – evolution’s gift.
The Threat System is associated with the amygdala, a processing centre for emotional responses, especially fear.
The amygdala is part of the brain’s limbic system that automatically detects danger and protects us through fast, instinctive, learned responses (like pulling your hand away from something hot).
When facing threats (real or perceived), we have the classic fight-flight-freeze responses. We might feel scared, anxious, angry or disgusted as adrenaline and cortisol course through us.
The Drive System
The Drive System motivates us to seek resources and consume (hungry cavemen didn’t survive long!)
In Drive, we’re wanting and pursuing things, chasing our goals (money, professional success, fitness, fame…) It’s an activating state, where we’re excited and motivated to achieve.
We might be “in the zone” on a project and unwilling to take a break. We’re energised, and it can feel fantastic as the dopamine hits.
The Drive System is associated with the nucleus accumbens, a region that plays a key role in motivation, pleasure and reward.
The Soothing System
The Soothing System is at the other end of the spectrum. Its purpose is to manage distress and promote bonding. We feel content, safe and connected to others.
It’s a non-wanting mode, where we focus on kindness and soothing. We trust others and feel cared-for.
The Soothing System is associated with the prefrontal cortex and the release of opiates and oxytocin (nicknamed the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone”).
When humans were evolving, this system helped us to form harmonious family groups, supporting each other and keeping each other safe.
Balancing our systems
Mother Nature designed these systems to keep us alive long enough to pass on our genes. We need all three to thrive.
There’s a time and a place for each, and we’ll bounce between them throughout our lives, depending on our circumstances and priorities.
Like most things in life, balance is crucial. Problems arise when we spend too long dominated by one system, at the expense of the others.
In the fast-paced modern world, and especially in Western cultures, we can spend too much time in Drive, constantly striving and chasing the next achievement or reward.
Modern technologies exacerbate this: devices within reach 24/7, with the rabbit hole of social media sucking us in and hacking our hormones, as we chase the dopamine hit of more “likes”.
Whereas, in prehistoric times, come sunset you retired to the safety of your cave and chilled with your family, no blue light in sight.
Too much time in Drive can even tip us into Threat as our heightened arousal leads to sleep deprivation, and our exhausted bodies try to power through.
The Threat System wasn’t designed for modern life either. Our ancestors confronted acute stressors – like the sudden appearance of a snake, quickly dealt with, allowing stress hormones to retreat.
The modern equivalent might be a presentation you were worried about that goes well, and your nerves dissipate as relief sinks in.
Unfortunately, many of us face chronic stress instead: heavy workloads, financial worries, a 24/7 news cycle churning out distressing stories.
All that adrenaline and cortisol pumping round our bodies for weeks on end impacts our health, leading to modern-day ails like obesity and high blood pressure.
Of course, balance also applies to Soothing. If we’re never in Drive, it’s hard to get through life and thrive.
Sometimes, the overwhelm and exhaustion from chronic Drive and/or Threat can deplete us so much that we shut down and retreat, losing all energy and enthusiasm, tipping into apathy or depression.
But maintaining balance across our three systems can help prevent negative outcomes.
Thriving with more “green zone” time
In much of modern society, we spend too much time in Threat and Drive.
But I don’t want to sound all doom and gloom! 😁 We can choose to change this. ✨
We can be deliberate in spending more time in the green zone, finding our zen through soothing. This can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths and stepping away from your electronics for 10 minutes.
By building soothing activities into our routines, we calm our nervous systems and restore our equilibrium.
I enjoy these activities that I think of as “green zone”:
Reading (paper books or my old-style Kindle – no blue light)
Walking in woodlands
Cooking slowly
Stroking and cuddling my cats
Thinking of things that I’m grateful for
Quality time with close friends
Meditation
Yoga
Paying attention to nature (so many flowers and ladybirds in my neighbourhood)
Stretching
Mindful movement
Snuggling under a warm, fleecy blanket
Eating my lunch outdoors, away from my desk
Savouring a cup of hot herbal tea
Starting every day with five deep breaths
What’s on your green zone list?
Questions for self-reflection or journalling
Which emotional system is dominating your life right now?
Which system would you like to spend more time in?
How can you find balance across your systems?
What simple steps can you take today to support both your zest and your zen?
What help do you need to make these changes?
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post (it’s a bit longer than my usual ones, so thanks for bearing with me to the end!)
Let’s have a conversation in the comments, or feel free to drop me a DM. 💬
Have a sublime Saturday, friends! 🌞
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What a fantastic post! I loved my time studying for mindfulness teacher training—it was when I felt the most zen and content (except essay writing time or leading new practices I wasn't sure about!). I definitely recognise that striving attitude you mentioned. It’s so valuable to identify and understand these states to better navigate them.
Recently, my body has pushed me to slow down, moving from that striving, to a state that’s more zen than zest. (I’d love to stay in that peaceful, unhurried place permanently!)
I hope the late-night shifts aren’t too demanding. I really appreciate what you’re doing here. ake care and be kind to yourself too x
I loved this post Holly! So helpful to categorise those three states! I’m definitely letting blue dominate, even though I’m being very mindful to find time for green activities every day.
A lot of my green activities are similar to yours, particularly being very mindful of the plants and nature around me when I go for walks, it’s spring here and all the wildflowers are out on my usual walking route, it’s a delight 🌸