Maybe it’s midlife, maybe it’s career transitions I’ve been going through, or perhaps it’s the liminal space of wintering as a new year begins.
Whatever ignited it, I’ve been contemplating identity a lot recently. Wondering where I fit as the things I used to define myself by drop away, leaving space for new aspects to emerge. It’s exciting but perplexing too.
Who am I (now)? Who was I before, and who am I becoming? Who do I choose to become?
What does my identity depend on? Who do people perceive me to be? (Do I care?) What do I want to be known for?
Maybe you’re also feeling this pull: the urge to explore, to delve inside yourself as you experience identity shifts.
If you are, why not join me to reflect on your identity?
Hi, I’m Holly, a career/life coach and mindfulness facilitator. Here at Zestful Zen, I share tips on self-care, creativity and personal growth, to help you live mindfully with zest, zen, and purpose. Subscribe to join our supportive community and our Gentle Gatherings. Come inside and cosy up by the fire. You’re so welcome here. ☕️💕
We contain multitudes
Our identities comprise many components. But some of the most visible are the roles we play and the labels applied, by us or others. Some we choose, some are forced, a lot just happen.
Their visibility and impact on us make them a good place to start exploring, with a bit of journalling.
I’m going to offer lots of prompts, but there’s no need to do them all! Think of this post as a bank of prompts you can dip into.
Choose the prompts that call to you and ignore the rest. Or pick a few for now and come back later for more.
A little trigger warning: Some of the prompts might bring up big emotions. Take a break if you need it, skip what doesn’t serve you, and be kind to yourself.
If you’re ready for a deep dive, grab a cuppa. You’ll need a pen and paper too. Maybe light a scented candle. Get comfy and let’s reflect together.
Allow the words to flow. Think about all the labels you apply to yourself, and those that others use to describe you.
Write down all the roles or labels that spring to mind, whether you like/agree with them or not. No need to edit or justify, just put down what comes to you.
Then pause and consider:
Which are you happy with? Which would you rather jettison?
Which do you need to let go of?
Which are aspirational? Inspirational? Plain frustrating?
Which can be changed? (If you want to.)
Which feel like a cosy comfort blanket?
Which require a big crazy leap of faith? (Believe in yourself!)
Which strengthen you? Which help you grow?
Which are limiting you in some way?
Which do you want to make more space and time for?
Are there any roles/labels that others apply to you, but which don’t feel like you?
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Probe a little further
Are there things missing from your list that you wish were there?
Is there something new that you want to become, if you could? What would it take to make this a reality?
For roles/labels that are limiting you:
What is it about them that’s limiting you? If you took a different perspective, could you flip these limitations on their head and find some opportunity in these roles? Or is it just time for them to go?
For roles/labels you don’t want, don’t like, or find difficult:
What is it about them that’s problematic? Can you drop them? Is there something you can do that would make them easier? What would help you to let them go?
For roles/labels you’d like to shift into:
What do you need to make this change happen? Is there action you need to take? Are there fears you need to overcome? Do you need support from friends or loved ones?
For roles/labels you’re struggling to adjust to:
What would help you settle in? Are there old parts of your identity you need to let go of first to embrace this new role? Do you need a bit of a confidence boost?
Who are you beyond the labels?
Now we get into the broader facets of identity. Things that are maybe less obvious, less easy to define, but that we feel, deep inside, when we think about who we are.
What makes you, you?
Maybe it’s the things you love to do; how you like to spend your time; aspects of your personality; your secret desires, longings and frustrations; your dreams and fears; the things you feel guilty about or question yourself over.
What comes up when you delve more deeply under the surface of what you’re perceived or pushed to be?
If nothing bubbles up, try journalling on these prompts:
I am….
I am a person who…
I wish…
I was…
I am becoming…
I can…
I choose…
I will…
Picking up patterns
When I journal, themes or patterns often come up repeatedly, even for different questions. That might reassure me that I’m on the right path or highlight where a longing remains unfulfilled. It’s all a matter of joining up the dots.
And then there’s the aha moments, when fresh insights appear and I realise what’s been lurking underneath all along, waiting to be discovered.
How about you?
What emerged from your journalling? Is it what you expected? Are there any big surprises? Or did this exercise reinforce what you already felt or knew?
Whatever came up, I hope it’s inspired you to think about what you want out of life this year and how you can get it.
You might be feeling a little tender if you dove deep, so be kind to yourself and remember that you’re perfect as you are!
Share your perspective ✨
I’d love to hear your reflections on identity, the roles we play within different spaces and letting go of labels that no longer serve us. What comes to mind when someone asks you to describe yourself? How do your friends describe you?
This was Part 1 of a 3-part series on the identities we hold, the labels we accumulate, and those we shed or hold onto. Next week, I’ll share my experience of shifting career identities.
If you enjoyed this post, please comment, like or share with others. Thanks for your support! ✨