Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Or why your goals don't always make sense to other people!
Surprise, I’m leaving! (next year…) 👋
“Don’t give up now, things will be different in a few years…”
Not the response I’d expected when I told my manager that I was planning to leave our organisation after I complete my contract in Belgium.
He seemed genuinely surprised (and perplexed) at my decision. Which in turn surprised me.
Hadn’t it been obvious the past two years that I was marking time, unenthusiastic about work?
Didn’t it come across how bored I was, given my lack of engaged input at team leader meetings?
Had I really done such a good job of faking interest in topics I couldn’t care less about?
I guess so!
Hi, I’m Holly - coach, mindfulness facilitator and author of Zestful Zen. I write about self-care, change, personal growth, mindfulness, and purpose. If you like life to be full of zest and energy, complemented by a zen, calm mind, Zestful Zen is the community for you! 💖✨
Baffled and blindsided by my decision 🤔
It was a brief but instructive conversation. 💬
I set out my stall – no career advancement (or even interesting lateral move) opportunities open to me following a merger a couple of years ago. 📉
Time to move on and try something new. I was ready for the challenge and adventure of self-employment! 💪
My manager tried to present other options to me. ✋
Take unpaid leave and go work elsewhere for a couple of years, gathering relevant experience that I could bring back to the office in an imaginary future when all the HR and other organisational issues plaguing us have been resolved.
I told him that policy and strategy just doesn’t interest me anymore and I want to work with people instead.
He countered, “then go speak to someone in HR, I’m sure they could find you a job!”, undeterred by me explaining that they only hire HR professionals.
“Of course it’s your decision, and I know it’s tough right now, but if you just give it a couple more years, it might be better.”
Pulling the wool over his eyes 🙈
I hadn’t anticipated my manager’s reaction. I’d been certain he’d be unsurprised and unperturbed at my announcement, perhaps even encouraging.
He knows how much I’ve loved the ‘corporate contributions’ I’ve made – providing coaching, wellbeing support and mindfulness workshops for colleagues.
He’s seen and commended the enthusiasm I bring to that work (and surely noticed the contrast with how I speak about my ‘day job’).
But I guess my general attitude of positivity fooled him. Or did it really? Was he just wilfully not seeing my reality?
Alternate realities 🔍
Reflecting on our conversation later got me thinking – why was he so blindsided by my decision?
I’ve concluded (rightly or wrongly), that it’s all a matter of perspective.
For him, working in our organisation is still his dream come true. Yes, it sucks right now. Yes, there are no promotions available. Yes, we’ve all been screwed over since the merger.
But he’s not willing to let go of that glimmer of hope yet. That if he can just knuckle down and wait it out as others give up and leave, eventually things will get better.
With perseverance, he’ll triumph and come out on top. Those years of investment won’t be wasted, and he won’t need to start again from scratch.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. He can’t fathom why I’d want to leave because he doesn’t want to.
(And perhaps my decision to quit confronts his own choice to stay?)
My dreams are right for me ✅
It’s an important lesson that I’ll need to remind myself of as I transition to a solopreneur life – not everyone will understand (or support) my dreams and goals.
But they don’t need to. I need to.
Especially as a solopreneur.
I’ll be relying on myself as the main asset of my business. I can’t allow others to sow seeds of doubt because they don’t, or can’t, grasp my vision.
Yes, I can try and explain myself. But sometimes others will only see risk. Or they’ll think I’m crazy for “throwing everything away”.
It’s called the ‘sunk cost fallacy’ – continuing to pursue a path that no longer serves you, because you already invested so much and don’t want to ‘waste’ your efforts. But really, all you’re doing is “throwing good money after bad.”
Why waste my time and happiness chasing something I no longer want?
Putting my vision out there in the world
Maybe my decision seems hasty to my manager, not well thought through. But it isn’t.
Those who know me well know that I’ve been looking for a way out for a few years now. It just took the universe some time to present opportunities, and a hell of a lot of work on my part to seize them.
I’ve been slowly and steadily putting the pieces in place for this journey. Quietly too I guess, except for those in the know in my inner circle.
As I’ve become braver and more certain about my path, I’ve been telling more and more people around me, sharing my excitement and vision. But not with my manager.
After all, who wants to tell the person doing their performance evaluation that they’re bored to death and uninterested in most of their work?
Even though I’m fully achieving all my objectives, it hasn’t escaped my notice that it’s the shiny young things who relentlessly self-promote and push for high-profile projects that magically secure an end-of-year bonus. Not the rest of us.
A job well done apparently doesn’t count for much these days.
Hence my reluctance to imply that I’m not “all in” at work while I’m still here.
But now the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak.
Anyway, it maybe shouldn’t shock me so much that my news came as a surprise.
Managers aren’t psychic, and we all see the world through the prism of our own hopes, dreams and realities. ✨
Mine are not the same as yours, and nor should they be.
I promised my manager I’d look into unpaid leave, but I haven’t been swayed. I’m still determined to follow the solopreneur path and I’m excited for my future adventures, risky as they might be.
But as I move forward, I’ll bring with me a pinch of understanding and empathy when others are flabbergasted by my choices.
Each to their own.
The world would be a very boring place if we all saw everything the same way!
Questions for self-reflection or journalling ✍️
What are your secret (or not so secret) hopes and dreams?
Who will you share them with? Who can be your champion(s)?
How can you best communicate your plans to others?
Are you struggling to understand someone else’s dreams and goals?
How can you empathise, even if you don’t agree with their choices?
Now take action 🎯
If you have a goal or vision you’re working towards, communicate it clearly to others when you’re ready.
Identify the support you need. Maybe family and friends are behind you, or perhaps others can be your champions. (Substack community?!)
Be open to suggestions and opinions. But it’s your vision and your choice. Make your own informed decisions.
Do your homework. Brainstorm ideas, crowdsource, educate yourself. But don’t forget to listen to your intuition and trust yourself.
Share your perspective ✨
I’d love to hear your thoughts on goals, visions and different perspectives. Are you going after big dreams? How have you convinced others to support your vision? Has a shift in perspective brought you increased clarity?
Let’s have a conversation in the comments or subscriber chat. Or feel free to drop me a DM. 💬
Have a sublime Saturday, friends! 🌞
This post is part of ’s Sparkle on Substack 24 Essays Club.
I joined Sparkle mid-way through publishing Zestful Zen and thought it’d be too late in the year to catch up. But I just realised this will be essay #24 for me! So definitely worth celebrating and jumping on the bandwagon.
✨✨✨ You can join the challenge for free - it runs until 31 January 2025. ✨✨✨
Ways to connect or work with me 💬
DM me, jump in the subscriber chat, or connect via my website, LinkedIn or Instagram 😁 I offer coaching sessions and mindfulness courses.
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Growth beckons—stepping forward reveals paths once obscured by staying still